One fleeting decision has forever altered what once represented youth, perfectly wrapped in colorful unicorn paper around an oddly shaped box tied off with a little glittery bow and a love note to boot:
we got married just days before my birthday.
My birthday was on our honeymoon.
Yeah, you heard me right. What the heck was I thinking!? That decision would leave one to believe that I am not a big birthday person and that I don't care much about a perfect excuse for indulgent celebratory attention. Wrong/Lies. The truth is, we couldn't think of a more fitting month wherein to marry and somewhere in my secret betsy dwelling was a strong hope that my birthday would not get overshadowed. Welp, hope lost this time.
Funnily enough, it's the first time that I didn't care. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't change a thing. But I am a year older and it feels a little like my birthday is just waiting around the corner for me to come and get it.
W helped by giving me tickets to see Grizzly Bear. We went to the show last week. For me, not much compares to impressive live performance. I am always surprised by the swell. Everything becomes enhanced. The music stands before me, it enters, then expands, then leaves. I am left bouncing, resonating, with futile words---trying to make sense of what I've just seen, felt, etc. And then it hits me, that I don't have to. It will run through my brain until I stop having memories; then it will have found its way deep into my heart and be buried with me. squishy and mushy, I know, but it's true. and it only happens if you're there---present, in time, with the music.
While my experience was still smooshy and wonderful, a little bit of that was squashed, nay vilely-spat-onto-my-face, the other night. I think modern technology is great. I think using that technology in lieu of experiencing something (that is awesome) firsthand is dumb. Not only were the people in front of me using their iphones and digital cameras to record their favorite GB songs (to listen to later?? to brag to their facebook friends? I'm not sure what, really...)...but they were WATCHING the LIVE show happening 20 FEET in front of them, THROUGH their IPHONE AND CAMERA SCREENS! What the haydoogie!? I mean, REALLY!?? What's more, they were obstructing others' views with the placement of their sweaty phone-hands. I got SO irritated.
Then I realized that I had allowed someone else's removed behavior to affect me in such a visceral way that I had actually joined forces with what I was fighting against. I allowed myself one last mind battle with the live music patron imposters, and then I returned to the show.
that little white thing on w's foot is found coral, btw
Grizzly Bear was incredible. Really, it was the music that fiercely thumped me out of it and back into it. The light was dim, blue light mostly while high hanging mason jars with little lights inside asymmetrically blanketed the band, like giant vintage glass fireflies dancing to the music. I loved that they created atmosphere, that they created place and perspective. The music ran from them into me, then went out through the top of my head and my fingers and toes and back to them. A beautiful circle, it was. Record
THAT, iphone.
(other pictures are from our honeymoon. we tried to stay in Hawaii while we were there and experience each moment for what it was. some pictures for sharing and remembering. balance.) ***Song of the Moment:
While You Wait for the Others, by Grizzly Bear ***
