Good friends, we gather here today to honor a life. A life of service, self-sacrifice, and modesty. A life that seemed so bright but one week ago. A life that only our good friend, the Trusty Subaru, could have led. She was steadfast. She loved to sing (but not very well). She was one heck of a car. She was one heck of a friend. And we will all miss her.
But friends, do not despair! She may still be living! We sold her lifeless body to a friendly tow truck driver. Yes, we strapped her down, cleaned her out, and sold her so that she may live again! In fact, she may have just needed a new battery, an alternator, a strategic strip of duct tape! Or she may have had a horrible electrical problem: a mysterious and incurable ailment.
So as we go our separate ways today, let us all remember the generosity of friendship. Let us all remember the unpredictability of life. Let us all remember and appreciate the tenuousness of complex, modern automotive electronics.