psych!?!! (Throughout this post, I will attempt to de-stress myself by posting pictures of things that make me feel calm.)
When I got home last night, a neighbor asked me how I was feeling about the upcoming wedding and I said (sincerely), "Oddly enough, I don't feel stressed AT ALL! weird...hahahhaHAHAHAhaha," and we continued to banter about that and I continued to giggle. It was lovely. I felt different from ALL the other brides. I felt in control. That was last night.
This morning, however, is a completely different story. If you didn't know, Thursday is COMPLETELY different from Wednesday. I feel like I have pushed my body's fast forward button and it's stuck, and my brain can't figure out how to un-stick it AND my brain is like two steps behind my body, so I feel all jittery (wait...maybe that's the 3 cups of coffee talking)---so Betsy World is a bit tilted, nay
UPSIDEDOWN, today.
The best way for me to get over it is to talk about it: I'm insanely busy right now. I probably bit off more than I could chew, work-wise, just moments before the wedding. The last minute business trip to Seattle last week, seemed like SUCH a great idea at the time. I'm so grateful that I picked up some new fresh stores there, but I'm also like...really, Betsy...REALLY? I've got 3 NEW wholesale orders to produce and send out before the end of next week. Online orders keep rolling in (AWESOME...seriously, I say this). On top of that, there are still so many details to sort out about the nuptials and while I know they will continue to fall into place, I'm having a tough time envisioning that at the moment. My email accounts are spewing over and I'm feeling sickningly guilty about it. Social Networking is beginning to look like Beelzebub's righthand man. I've booked fashion/craft shows that I cannot even attend in September (b/c I'll be with my honey, mooning), so before I get married
next weekend, I must have created enough product so that my assistants don't get stuck battling out who's gonna sell the ONE thing I've left for them to showcase. Not to mention, I'd like to keep my tiny shop full of merchandise so the ladies can open it up to the foot traffic that has begun to frequent the shop. Writing it out is not helping at the moment, making me a little breathless---not in that sexy, romantic kind of whisper way...like in the---I-might-die kinda way.
See...I KNEW posting seemingly arbitrary pictures of warmer moments in life, would help. I stop the anxiety destruction train that I'm currently riding, to stare at these last two photos. Instantly, I am reminded that the stressball is fleeting and the ladder is here to stay. W built it for me from the ground up, the one he stands on. It hangs from the ceiling of my studio, suspended, part of a pulley system that W created. No training whatsoever, he figured it all out along the way. Kinda like how it is to live---nothing is known from the beginning, we have to be open to it, we must believe it can be done...and it probably can. Not unlike our own relationship and journey to this end/beginning---the end of a courtship and the beginning of our own forever. I proudly take these steps with him, up that thing we built together, the thing we didn't even know existed until we tried.
And we will fight for it, until the end.
Thankfully, I've forgotten why I started this post in the first place.
***Song of the Moment: Unravel, by Bjork***
