Okay, so you might already know it: I’m not a perfect dog. There’s no question that I’m pretty much perfect, but I’m not all the way perfect yet. I’m workin’ on it, okay!?! As a result of my imperfections, I’m pretty peeved that Barrie left me out of the NYR post with all other b&i members. Therefore, I’ve hijacked the blog to do my own.
As previously mentioned, I’m pretty perfect…the last alliterative phrase not mutually exclusive, though I am quite (150%) pretty. One thing I continue to struggle with: cardboard. I love the smell of it, the look of it, the different sizes it comes in. I love how easy it is to sink my teeth into, how it sounds when I rip it off, how it looks and melts in my mouth…slowly. All these dog toys I’ve seen (my own and my friends’), they’re just too manufactured, too soft and colorful, too decorated and frankly, just too stupid. I’ll take good old fashioned cardboard over a colorful fluffy bunny with hard plastic beady eyes and a shiny bow wrapped around it with weird sparkles any day. It’s all about texture and satisfaction. I’ve never been able to rip anything the way I can thrash around a cardboard box. It is my weakness.
The trouble? All of the boxes my
bosses parents and coworkers keep around the loft office (where I spend most of my time), are boxes they need…to, like, keep things contained. I just wish they’d offer me a beautifully empty cardboard box BEFORE they marched it away to recycling. But they don’t and so I’m left to my own devices. I try (good GOD do I try) every single day to resist, but one day it got the best of me and wow…oh, my my my my MY, it was one of the most indulgent best things I’ve ever experienced in my LIFE. I cannot help myself. I am 100% addicted to cardboard.
I was able to keep it from them for quite some time, but recently the scrap piled up so much that I couldn’t hide it any more. Caught. Caught caught caught caught. Embarrassed. Ashamed. I hung my head for DAYS after that. I know how much of a pain it is (if only they would train me to recycle my own scrap). Yet I still go back for the cardboard.
So here I am trying to do right by my people. I hereby announce that my New Year’s Resolution is to stop eating cardboard. I’M DONE. I’m sorry. I promise to try my hardest not to do it again.
Happy New Year, everyone!
p.s. Are you sure you don’t want to just train me to throw away my mess when I’m finished?
***Song of the Moment: dried blood, by Sonny and the Sunsets***